I did not feel well today and I lied in bed almost all day. It is strange how high fever could make you dream the weirdest dreams.
I dreamt that Hong Kong was snowing on a January day. I remembered leaning against the window and touching light feathers of snow, their softness and coolness brushing against my fingers and I felt immensely happy.
I remember seeing a security guard standing by a lamp post and I saw soft snow landing on his long dark coat. It is a raincoat. And I remember telling someone excitedly that it is snowing.
I was ill in my dream too, very much so, and I was helpless and did not know what to do. I felt heavy and dizzy and feared something horrible might happen.
I slept the whole afternoon and woke up smelling of sweat and felt heavy with headache.
I really miss having someone to call on days like today.
It has been a long time and I remember how disappointing it had been for me to love someone.
I miss him but I could not reach him because he is with someone else now. Someone, I believe to be young and innocent and not to be hurt.
I saw their photo on the internet today and he was holding her in his arms. I do not remember him to be so happy when he was with me and I cried a little.
I do not want her to be me. And I wanted them to be happy.
And I felt like writing this all down because it is really hard to love somebody and to learn to let go.
I just hope that I will be happy some day too.
